I Believe

It’s ok to struggle! I mean, it sucks, a whole lot, but it’s alright in the context that it’s something that happens to everyone. Tim Ferris has a quote from his book Tools Of Titans that I love, that says “everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about”. It’s a part of being human. We make mistakes, and we feel vulnerable and insecure. Or perhaps, we feel, depressed and anxious! Regardless, we all fight personal battles!

I wanted to talk about this because I know how hard it can be to feel isolated and alone when you are depressed. Your mind rolls in vicious waves of negativity and your heart races as your body sweats. It’s like trying to run away from a monster in your dreams, but you can’t because your legs feel extremely sluggish. There is almost a hint of laughter in the background of your mind as you feel trapped by the downward spiral of vitriol playing in your mind. You wonder, “why can’t I shut this off”? So you crawl into bed in hopes of finding sleep to take you away. I can remember those feelings and how difficult it was to escape them.

Of course, the next day you come out the other side. Like a bad drunken night at the toilet bowl, when you swear to yourself, “if I just get through this one night, I’ll never drink again”. You feel awful from the hangover, but it is a relief from the dry heaving for hours the night before. After the terrible days of depression, you feel guilt and perhaps some shame after. However, you are glad to be no longer entrapped in your mind assault.

At this point, it’s so important to know that it’s ok to have bad days or weeks! Everyone does, in one form or another. It’s always going to be a part of the process of being human, even after you defeat depression. When I was able to wrap my mind around this, it made it far easier to deal with “the day after”. I was able to stop feeling so guilty and embarrassed.

It gave me hope to know that, bad days didn’t mean I was defeated. If some of the most successful people on earth could have bad days and figure out how to solve those issues, why couldn’t I?

I wanted to focus on how to attack my internal self-talk. I use the word attack because I wanted to overcome this horrible habit that was consuming me. I was willing to be aggressive in my approach. My idea was to create something to focus on at the start and end of every day that would inspire me. I wanted something to remind myself of who I was so I could read it to myself during tough times. I didn’t believe all of the horrible self-talk that would replay in mind, so I wanted to replace those thoughts with something I did believe!

What I did, was sit down with a pen and paper and begin to write about what I did believe. It seemed almost crazy at the time. I didn’t even really know what I was doing, and I began to question the validity of the idea. I felt silly. However, the words started coming out of me, and it felt comforting to affirm some real positive beliefs that I carried inside. What I ended up with was a poem/affirmation based on my beliefs.

I would read those words every day when I woke up and every night before bed. My world was dark then, and this was my flashlight in the dark. It gave me hope that I would find my way out of the darkness. There were times when I had bad days that I would read it over and over again. I was fighting my current mind state with the words from a more positive frame of mind. I felt completely insane!

Be that as it may, I can say with complete honesty, that the words on that piece of paper were the start to me pushing through depression. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I began the process of personal development. As with most examples of perseverance, rewards are usually waiting right after we push through some of our most difficult times. That was certainly the case for me.

I would like to share that piece from 10 years ago, in hopes it can inspire someone else in their fight against depression today. I titled it, I Believe!

I believe.
I believe in karma, and that what I put out comes back.
I believe in taking risks, and not fearing rejection.
I believe in making mistakes, and learning lessons from them.
I believe in forgiveness, for myself and for those who hurt me.
I believe in honesty, for acceptance and healing.
I believe in wisdom, for growth and maturity.
I believe in patience, for quality over quantity.
I believe in liberty, for myself and others.
I believe in loyalty, for trust and commitment.
I believe in faith, for hope and guidance.
I believe in love, as the key to unlock all doors.
I believe in the power of my thoughts, to change how I feel.
I believe in the power of my feelings, to change how I act.
I believe in the power of my actions, to change my life.
I believe in me!

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “I Believe

  1. This touches me. Thank you! I lost 3 friends to death before my senior year of high school, and kicked out of my home before then too. Struggle with flashbacks of the abuse my alcoholic father put me through. And woke up Christmas morning to my baby sister dead right next to me. I use drawing as a way to grieve. Hints why I made my word press site. Based on art, and to hope to try and touch someone else with my blog posts.. https://jazzyharding15.wordpress.com/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad you are using your past experiences creatively. I believe you will find it very helpful to the healing process.

      Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I’m happy you found some value in this piece.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is something I try and do as well! Whenever a situation seems too hard and I feel like I will not pull through it or not want to deal with it. I think thoughts that will counteract the bad ones and talk myself through it. It’s good to see that someone else does something similar to me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Even carrying a card with some notes around in your pocket can be helpful! Sometimes when our thoughts get racing, the thoughts we want to replace them with can seem a million miles away. If you can, keep them close by.

      At this stage of my life I physically write out my goals every day. This helps me keep focused on what I need to be doing and moving towards. I will rarely engage in an activity that is not moving me forward towards my goals in some way.

      I’m not perfect with it by any means, sometimes I miss my entry. It’s interesting though because if I string a few days together, I begin to feel unfocused. So the strategy has evolved for me personally, but the principle of focusing your mind on something positive is exactly the same.

      Thank you for taking the time from your day to read this!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s